A New Kind of Serenity
by TwinkleFae
Summary: It's been six years since the battle with Galaxia, and Usagi is pregnant. Is Small Lady on the way? What about Crystal Tokyo?


Author's Notes! Yeah! After years of reading other people's authors notes, I am finally writing one of my own. The first is a warning to anyone who doesn't like the following: 1) Really sad stories (And I mean make you cry sad) 2) Stories with no battles. (The girls don't even transform once) 3) Well really that's it... :)  
  
This story is set during that blank period of time we have between the last episode of the anime, and the creation of Crystal Tokyo. I use the Japanese names, as the characters, especially, Usagi and Rei are very different in the dub. However, I am Canadian, and if I have misused any Japanese words or chans and the like, I'm sorry. Mail me and let me know. So far as I know the only Japanese word I used is "Hime-chan" which I _think_ means princess, but I could be mistaken.  
  
Contact me at TwinkleFae@hotmail.com  
  
Enjoy!  
  
A New Kind of Serenity  
  
Usagi looked down at her swollen stomach. She was sure her feet were still there- after all they caused her enough pain these days! - but what they might look like, or any other details about them she couldn't tell. After all, it seemed like years since she'd seen them last.  
  
She heaved a deep sigh, and quickly wished she hadn't. Mamoru looked up sharply from the book he was pretending to read. "Everything all right?"  
  
Usagi smiled to herself. "I'd be better if I could erase that question from everyone's repertoire. I counted last night and Rei alone asked me 13 times. In one night. If I even feel a twinge that this baby is on it's way, I will let you all know. Until then, I AM FINE!"  
  
She smiled and sighed in exasperation. Since the moment that she had told them that she was pregnant, she'd been treated like a piece of very fragile china. After all, they hadn't expected to have children until Crystal Tokyo. Until she was Queen.  
  
Instead she was the 22 year old wife of a botany professor. She had been very proud of her Mamo-chan when he had graduated from college, but held no delusions that she would be attending classes there herself. Instead she found a steady, enjoyable job teaching in a local daycare. She'd discovered very quickly that being late to work meant getting pounced on by teary children demanding "Where were you? I missed you soooooo much!" Between the thought of that, and Mamoru at the other end, she had managed to be on time most days. Until she had missed her period, and found out that she was about to become a mother.  
  
She winced slightly at the memory of the day that she had told the Senshi. She had decided to be secretive and gathered them all together in a very classic way - a meeting at Rei's shrine. And they had come - Michiru and Minako from overseas even. They all knew she would not ask them to come if it weren't important. She felt in her heart that it was important that they all be together now, and that scared her, as she knew that it wouldn't be too much longer until the great freezing of the world. Somehow after a thousand years, she would save the world and become.... Neo-Queen Serenity, and that scared her more than anything.  
  
She had called them all and asked them to meet her at three o'clock. She walked through the door exactly on time. She had known that they would all be early. But, before her news came the hugs and "how are you's?" essential to a group as close as they needed to be. The waiting was putting them all on edge though, and Haruka could only take so much. After a short while, she snapped. "All right odango-chan, you've had your fun and made us all squirm. Now, what is your "really, very, extremely important news"? She finished in a falsetto imitation of Usagi's earlier phone call. The senshi all laughed and the tension in the room relaxed a bit as Usagi stuck out her tongue.  
  
Usagi looked around at her dearest friends. All eyes were on her. She hoped that they would be be happy, after all _she_ was happy, and they did do and would do, so much for her. But they often saw risk were she saw only joy. Setsuna's face looked a bit strange. Well, surely she must know what Usagi's news would be!  
  
"All right then, if you're sure you can't wait anymore. Here's my news- I'm pregnant!" and she held her breath.  
  
The eight senshi sat in stunned silence. Usagi looked around waiting for someone - anyone! - to react. Ami's mouth was opening and closing as though she were trying to speak. Makoto looked as though someone had hit her in the stomach. Minako and Hotaru looked as though they wanted to ask how this had happened. Haruka and Michiru were staring at each other, stunned. Usagi turned her head to see the last, and most important, reactions, fearing what she would see. On Rei's face was an almost indescribable expression. She did not look sad, happy, angry, or frightened and yet you couldn't say that her face was blank. Setsuna unfortunatly looked as though she'd swallowed a lemon.  
  
And then all of a sudden the room exploded in noise and motion. Usagi was hugged tightly by Mako as Hotaru squealed in delight. Several more hugs and then Haruka picked her right off the ground and whirled her around. "Oh Usagi-chan! I'm so happy for you!" exclaimed Minako.  
  
"Congratulations Usagi. What wonderful news!" Michiru added.  
  
"This is amazing, Usa! But, - oh.." Ami's face dropped a bit.  
  
"What Ami-chan?" asked Usagi, concerned, disentangling herself from the Senshi group hug.  
  
"It's just that, well, I had always thought that I would deliver your first child." Both Ami and Usagi started blushing like fire engines.  
  
"Let's not worry about that right now, all right Ami-chan? I'm sure it will work out." Usagi squeezed Ami's hand.  
  
Then she turned and pulled the still silent Rei off the floor. "So Rei? What do you think?" Usagi asked, rather nervously. She wasn't really too sure what to expect from Rei.... she might decide to yell and be difficult and Usagi didn't want anyone to take the happy bloom off this moment. Rei blinked twice, grabbed her best friend tightly in a hug and burst into tears. Usagi whispered into her friend's thick hair, "Don't cry, I'm happy. Please be happy for me!" The pleading tone in Usagi's voice finally penetrated the thick fog which seemed to have wrapped itself around Rei's brain.  
  
"Oh, Usagi! I _am_ happy for you. I'm so happy I can't see straight. And I'm getting you soaking wet." She laughed wryly as she grabbed a tissue and began to blot at the tears still falling down her cheeks. Usagi heaved a private sigh of relief, one down, one to go, she thought.  
  
She turned to the Senshi of Time, who hadn't moved during all the commotion which continued around them. Light eyes met dark.  
  
"What's wrong Setsuna? Have I really upset the future _that_ badly?" Usagi winced at the confrontational tone of her voice. She was very worried about Setsuna's reaction to all this. In more than one way she would be glad when the battle against the Dark Moon Family was over and she could stop living under the constant fear of ruining the future. She couldn't help but feel that she had to live up to Pluto's expectations.... and she really disliked that feeling.  
  
"Yeah!" cut in Mako, interrupting Usagi's thoughts. "I thought that you'd be happy that Chibi-Usa was on the way!" Setsuna turned to look at the tall brunette for a minute before returning her steady gaze to her princess.  
  
"I'm not unhappy for you or with you- and no, you haven't done anything to the stream of time(isn't it time stream?). But I do hope that you realize that the child you carry is _not_ Small Lady?" While all of the senshi gasped at the unexpected news, Usagi merely shrugged.  
  
"I didn't think so. I feel..." She stopped midsentence.  
  
Setsuna's eyes widened. "Please go on Princess, this may be important." Usagi blushed again. And then thought to herself that she had blushed more since becoming pregnant than ever before in her life.  
  
"It's just that I can....feel that the baby is there, just like I know about where you are, or that Mamo-chan has been at home pacing the floor during all this. When Chibi-Usa was here, I knew where she was too..... and this is different." She placed her hands thoughtfully on her stomach. "This is a boy."  
  
The green-haired senshi smiled. "And how long had this been going on?"  
  
"Oh years... every since I got the crystal really, but it wasn't 'til after the battle with Galaxia that I realized what it was."  
  
"It is very comforting to see that your control of the crystal is growing, Usa-chan." She cryptically, and very typically, did not respond to the unspoken desire on Usagi's face for confirmation of the gender of her baby.  
  
Usagi, taking the hint, and thinking it best to continue this discussion in private smiled at her friends. "I'm glad you're all taking this so well."  
  
"Well, what did you expect? After all, it's not so unusual for a married woman." Michiru smiled gently.  
  
'To tell you the truth, after what happened when I told Mamo-chan, I wasn't sure what to expect!"  
  
"Why? Was he angry or something?" Rei had a rather dangerous look on her face.  
  
"Oh no- nothing like that!" chirped Usagi. "But I told him at supper and he fell out his chair in a huge faint! And then, once I'd got him to come around, it took me almost an hour to convince him that it wasn't all a big cruel joke." They all laughed at that.  
  
Usagi looked around and said "So, I've got eight very willing baby- sitters?"  
  
"Well I don't know about _that_" said Haruka with a straight face. They all laughed and the room fell silent for a moment until Minako spoke up.  
  
"Hey guys! This calls for some celebration! What do you have for snacks Rei?"  
  
As Rei bustled off to get the snacks, the girls started to break into smaller groups to talk, after all, it was rare these days that they were all in the same room. While Haruka took advantage of the opportunity to tease Minako on her acting career, (and make Michiru mildly jealous), Setsuna made a beeline for the future Queen.  
  
"So what other predictions of doom do you have for me today?" asked Usagi, with a touch of mild sarcasm. Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "Sorry!" Usagi apolgized almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth. "I didn't get much sleep last night, between Mamo-chan freaking out every time I turned over and worrying about what you guys were going to say..." she trailed off, embarrassed. Even future queens shouldn't talk back to the Guardian of Time.  
  
"Don't worry about that Usagi-chan, " Setsuna smiled kindly, "I was merely concerned that you realized that it wasn't time for Small Lady yet. I also had a few concerns about the birth that I wanted to discuss with you, but we don't need to do that now if you are tired."  
  
"What kind of concerns Setsuna?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you'd gotten so far as thinking about what would happen if your crescent moon sign appears on your forehead during labour?" Usagi hadn't thought about it. It did usually appear during times of severe stress, but this was likely to be the first situation were she wouldn't be Sailor Moon at the time.  
  
Ami, who had been listening in on the conversation, made a face. "That would put an end to your 'secret identity' wouldn't it, Usagi? Never mind scaring the life out of the doctor!"  
  
Usagi would have answered, but she was too busy working herself into a panic, rather like the ones she used to get into in junior high. "What am I going to _do_ then Ami? I can't let that happen! And I can't stop it.... maybe make-up?"  
  
She stopped speaking as Setsuna gave her a hug, unbending from her usually stiff personality.  
  
"Shh Hime-chan, it will be all right. I was just about to tell you how. "  
  
"Sorry... must be hormones?" Usagi mumbled. "Everything has meant tears lately. I was upset with Mamo-chan last week because he forgot to buy milk. It's like being fourteen again." She shot her last remark at Rei, whose mouth was opening with a smart comment.  
  
Setsuna looked down at Usagi. "Do you have the crystal with you?"  
  
Usagi gave her a strange look. "Of course I do. I never go anywhere without it. I don't know if I could really."  
  
"Well, you can use the crystal to alleviate pain, right? This is just a bit more specific than what you would usually do during a battle."  
  
"That's going to take practice, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, and I would suggest some sort of coach as well. It's traditional and I can't imagine that you'll be thinking too clearly when all this begins."  
  
"Well, normally I would say Mamo-chan, but he's out. He'll lose his head entirely when he knows that the baby is coming. He'll be more scared than me!"  
  
"Coaching's my job Odango-atama" Rei said flatly.  
  
"Oh? Says who?" asked Usagi.  
  
"Says me." Stated Rei again. And then quieter "Please, Usa-chan? I'll feel useless otherwise!"  
  
"Of course Rei-chan!" smiled Usagi. "It's not like I was going to turn you down."  
  
"Would you both like to meet at Usagi's apartment on Monday?" cut in Setsuna, "You'll only need me once, but I would keep practicing with Rei if I were you." Rei placed a protective hand on Usagi's shoulder.  
  
"She will."  
  
***********************  
  
Usagi shook herself from her remembrances. Waddling slowly towards the kitchen, she began to make herself some tea. It had been hard work learning to use the crystal for something so specific and yet 'small'. Most of the rest of what Mamoru called her "party tricks" had appeared on their own. The only times she had used the crystal for something of her decision it had always been as a last resort, and she'd been in her "Princess" mode at the time. That first day alone with Rei, she had numbed herself all over to the point where she couldn't move. It had been very scary. She had the whole thing down now of course - thanks mostly to Rei. Rei has always been there to push her to be her best. She hadn't always been nice about it in the past, but with this she had been kind and gentle, prehaps sensing Usagi's own nervousness about the whole situation. Usagi had truly enjoyed the time that they had spent together 'training'. It was relaxing to spend so much time with her friends again. Hotaru dropped by quite often after school, when really she should be studying for her college entrance exams. Michiru had finished her tour and declined to do others for the moment. She had told Usagi that she and Haruka would prefer to be close, just in case. Usagi appreciated the thought, but tried very hard not to think about "Just in Case".  
  
Ami on the other hand, had become quite obsessed with "Just in Case". She had become an intern at the hospital where Usagi was scheduled to deliver, and had many plans and procedures for many situations. She had tried to explain them to her princess, but thought better of it when Usagi had bolted from the room to throw up her breakfast.  
  
Of course, she thought, _everything_ had made her throw up then. Just the smell of food had made her turn green for a couple of months. Mamoru had nearly gone crazy with worry, she had been able to keep down so little then. Mako had made it her personal mission to find something that she could eat. She had been very concerned with the nutrition of Usagi's diet too. Usagi was sure that it was the guilt of throwing up such lovingly created meals that had finally made her stomach cooperate. Although, that was when she had started getting strange cravings for things like rice and ice cream with maple syrup.  
  
Minako, having found a job on a Tokyo stage, had taken over Usagi's scrambled plans for a baby shower, as well as all the details of finding things like a crib, car seat.... so many things to do that it had made Usagi's head hurt. Luckily for eveyone, Minako had (finally) lost the tendancy to go overboard that she'd had as a teenager. Usagi had really enjoyed her shower, and was enormously pleased with what Minako had managed to do on such a meager budget with the nursery.  
  
However nice it was to be spoiled by the senshi - and they had been thouroughly spoiling her ever since she had told them - she was sick of it all. She thought that maybe she would like to talk a weekend and leave all of them - baby and Mamoru included! - behind! She sighed yet again as she sat down with her tea.  
  
All of a sudden she clutched at her stomach as pain ripped through her, causing her to drop her tea. 'What was that?' she thought. It wasn't time yet....  
  
"Usako? Are you all right? I heard something drop?"  
  
Mamoru, right on cue. If she told him about this now, he'd go through the ceiling.  
  
"I dropped my teacup! Would you mind cleaning it up? I would, but if I go down there, I don't think I'll be able to get back up."  
  
He smiled at his wife. "Of course. You just sit back and let me take care of you." Usagi smiled back at him and relaxed slowly back into her chair while her husband ran around cleaning up the spilt tea and broken china. Had that been a contraction? Oh! She grabbed her swollen tummy as another one hit. She decided she'd go to the bathroom, just to see.  
  
She heaved herself up and flashed a calm smile at her love, then waddled in as dignified a way as she could manage towards the bathroom. She stopped in the hall as the icy grip of pain made her suck in her breath. In the bathroom, the pain grabbed her again - stronger this time. She felt something wet cascade down her leg as the pain grew worse. She opened her mouth to call for Mamo-chan, but instead let out a scream of loss and pain. She fell to the floor hard, trying to wrap herself around the center of her suffering. She felt strong arms wrap around her cold limbs as her vision went black.  
  
***********************  
  
Wrong.......pain...... Help!......must tell......someone......  
  
Usagi opened her eyes slowly. She felt as though she'd been run over by a truck. Or maybe a train. She couldn't remember what had happened.... they hadn't fought a youma in years. She groaned softly and heard a commotion beside her. "Usako?" came the soft voice of her husband. "How do you feel?"  
  
Usagi tried to put together words. "Mamo-chan? Where am I? What happened?"  
  
"Shhhhhh, you're in the hospital, Usa. Don't talk for a bit. I'm going to let the girls know you are awake. We've been a bit worried about you." and with that he let go of her hand and moved out of her line of vision. Usagi shook her head a bit trying to clear her thoughts. There was something he wasn't telling her obviously. WHAT was she forgetting???  
  
"How's it going, Usa-chan?" Rei's whisper interrupted her muddled thinking.  
  
"Rei! What's going on?!? Why don't I remember what's going on?"  
  
"Usagi-chan.... calm down. You need to use the crystal. They have you on some pain medication, and I think it's messing up your thinking. The crystal will clear it out okay?" She tried to wrap her head around what Rei was saying, but gave up. She couldn't make any sense of it. "Usagi." Rei again, more sharply now. "Use the crystal. Find it. You need to stop this. Just follow my voice." Usagi tried to understand what Rei was talking about, but soon gave up and just did what she said. She reached out mentally for the crystal, and was almost surprized to find it. She then used it in the same way that she and Rei had practiced. It seemed like such a long time ago. Slowly, as the crystal took over managing her pain, and cleased the toxic drugs from her system, her thinking became clearer. She opened her eyes to see her friend smiling down at her through the tears that fell down her face. "Oh Usagi! We were so scared that we were going to lose you!"  
  
Memory flooded back, and Usagi's hands flew to her stomach and found only bandages. She gasped. "The baby! What happened to my baby, Rei? Where is he?"  
  
Rei looked down at her hands. "Usa-chan, there was nothing that they could do. They did an emergency cesesarean section, but there was something wrong with his lungs. He didn't have a chance. I'm so sorry." She finally brought herself to look into the horror filled eyes of her princess.  
  
"No..... please.... NO!" Usagi began to sob as Rei grabbed her as tightly as she could. "Rei, no, not my little boy. It can't be true...." and she continued to cry heartbreakingly as she felt her husband's familiar arms wrap around her.  
  
"I'm so sorry Usako... I couldn't do anything... and then I couldn't tell you" His shoulders began to shake as he tried to forget the sight of his wife stained in her own blood laying on the bathroom floor. Rei left the two alone with their grief. They held each other and cried for a long time.  
  
When she could speak again, Usagi thought over all the times she had felt frustrated and wanted to leave the baby... the times when she had complained of her swollen feet and a sore back. And most of all, having not told Mamoru about that first contraction. "I'm so sorry Mamo-chan, this is all my fault.... I should have been more careful. Everyone told me to be careful.... and I never told you, that I had a contraction..... I should have...." The frantic voice grew higher in pitch as Mamoru tried to stop her unsuccessfully.  
  
"Usagi! You need to stop that!" The couple had been so abosorbed by guilt that they had not heard Ami enter the room. "This isn't anyone's fault! I've just finished telling that to the others, who all blamed themselves. It isn't your fault. It isn't Mamoru-san's fault, and it isn't the senshi's fault. It just happened." Ami sat in the chair next to the bed, and took her oldest friend's hand. "This is not your fault. Your baby had a defect and nothing anyone could have done would have made a difference." Silent tears dropped down Usagi's pale face at these words, but she had always listened to Ami. The girl who was once Sailor Moon squeezed Ami's hand.  
  
"Now," said Ami, breaking the sad silence, "you need some sleep. Both of you!" She looked at Mamoru rather pointedly.  
  
"Oh, but...." Usagi took a good look at her husband, not wanting to be left alone, and yet seeing how exhausted he was. ( How long has he been here? How long have _I_ been here?) The door opened again. Haruka walked in. "So, Ami-chan? Are you taking him home yet? He looks like he's going to fall asleep on his feet. I'll stay here and look after our Hime-chan." Ami, with Rei's help, managed to get a very reluctant Mamoru out the door, and as Usagi felt Haruka grab her hand tightly, she fell asleep.  
  
**********************  
  
"Usa-chan, you need to get up. Let's go for a walk!" Ami was not able to keep the pleading tone from her unnaturally cheerful voice. In the days following the loss of her son, Usagi had grown more and more despondant, not taking an interest in anything around her except her own grief. Eventually she had stopped responding at all.  
  
Her senshi, in order to move past their own guilt, had been taking shifts sitting with her, as well as running a distraught Mamoru back and forth to the hospital and making sure that he both ate and slept. He was devasted, not only by the loss of his child, but by how nearly he had lost his wife. Her trance like depression, the way she blocked out everyone - including him - was clearly hitting him deeply. He had grown very used to their love being the answer to all the problems that they faced, mused Setsuna, and it probably still was but, obviously, Usagi had to deal with some of her pain on her own first.  
  
Setsuna joined Ami and Usagi in the garden/park outside of the hospital. "Setsuna! What are you doing here?" asked Ami, surprized to see the senshi of time.  
  
"Why don't you go home and get some rest, Ami? You look exhausted and I've got some time to spend with Usagi-chan." Setsuna put a hand on Ami's sagging shoulder. Despite the blue-haired senshi's advice to her friends, she had blamed herself, and spent hours poring over medical textbooks to find the reason behind all of this. Failing that, she was spending her time at the hospital, worrying over Usagi's slow recovery. The princess wasn't healing as fast as she should have been, and was still weak from blood loss despite everything that had been done. She should have been recovering nicely - but her deep depression was preventing it.  
  
Ami nodded as she realized the Sailor Pluto may be able to do what no one else seemed capable of right now- reaching an Usagi trapped deep in her own sorrow. She stopped the wheelchair in which sat the princess. "All right, I'm headed for home to catch up on my sleep - and my school work. Have a good day Usagi!" She waited, as though for a reply. None came. Ami turned and walked back down the path they had come down, looking back once or twice on her way.  
  
Setsuna began to walk while pushing the chair. She tried not to wince at how light the future Queen was in the wheelchair. Usagi jumped a bit as the movement jarred her - she was still in pain from an incision that should have begun to heal by now. Setsuna walked until she found a nice bench in a shady spot. She parked the chair, sat down and took Usagi's hand in her own. "So, are you going to tell me why you've given up? Because I know you are keeping your own wounds from healing - both here" Setsuna lightly lay a hand on the bandage on Usagi's abdomen "and here", a hand to her heart. She looked up to Usagi's face. It was wet with tears - but these were not tears of sorrow, they were tears of anger.  
  
"You knew." said Usagi in a betrayed voice. "You knew this would happen all along and you didn't tell me."  
  
"What would you have done if I had? Aborted it?"  
  
"NO!" shouted Usagi, then continued softer, "but I would have been more careful. I _should_ have been more careful."  
  
"How could you have been more careful? Anything else you may have done would have made you miserable, which would have been bad for the baby anyway."  
  
"Maybe I wouldn't have loved him so much" whispered the scared girl. "and then it wouldn't hurt so much that he's gone. I was used to him being there, I was supposed to keep him safe, and I couldn't. Everyone I've every loved has died for me - or will." she added bitterly "I didn't want my child included on that list."  
  
Setsuna listened to this outpouring of twisted guilt with a straight face. She wanted to grab the fragile princess by the shoulders and shake her for not making any sense, but obviously that wouldn't help. Besides, Rei had tried it already.  
  
The tears continued to pour down Usagi's face. Why did they keep doing this? Why did they have to remind her of her loss.? Her failure? If she tried very hard she could remember not to think about it, not to think at all. But everyone kept insisting she rejoin the world of the living, when all she wanted was to follow her son to the world of the dead. Thinking to herself about it she forgot about anyone overhearing. Or anything. The ginzuishou, always trying to be helpful, began to glow. Usagi's eyes grew blank as it began to suck the life energy out of her. Setsuna started to panic as she felt the time stream shift - around Usagi's death.  
  
" Usa-chan! Princess! Listen to me! You must decide- now! Do you want this for yourself? For the world? Without you we all die! Without Neo-Queen Serenity the world dies. Without their princess, the senshi will die. Without his love, Mamoru will die. Without her mother, Chibi-Usa will never be born. And without her we would all have been dead years ago.  
  
Through the haze of weakness that the ginzuishou was inflicting on her, Setsuna's words hit her like hammers on her soul. Was her grief really a good enough reason to kill everyone? She thought deeply about it. and chose life, for everyone. As the world again grew black she thought that, ironically, for someone who chose life, she was awfully close to death.  
  
**********************  
  
She slowly became aware of her surroundings again. "This is not a good habit to get into." she thought, smelling the hospital smell and realizing where she was. She could feel someone holding her hand and opened one heavy eyelid to look into the face of her greatest love, who looked more haggard, grief-stricken and tired than she had thought possible. 'He looks _old_' she thought. His whole face lightened though, as he realized that she was awake.  
  
"Thank the gods! You're all right! You're all right!" and he burst into tears, laying across her weak form. She let him cry himself out, hearing the words "collapse.....coma....not sure.....live....terrified" among the strangled sobs. When he began to breathe more regularly and the sobs were under control she began to talk. "I'm sorry, Mamo-chan. It was selfish of me. We should have come closer together in tradgedy, but I pushed you away. I needed you but I didn't want you to hurt like I was hurting... I didn't want you to know how hurt I was. I should have known that you would be feeling the same."  
  
He looked up, tears still rolling slowly down his face. "I don't blame you, Usako. But if you had....." he couldn't say it and hurried on. "I wouldn't have been far behind. I need you. I love you. You are everything to me. You are my family, my future." He kissed her gently. She wrapped her arms around him as he lay beside her in the tiny hospital bed disregarding IV lines, monitors and things like that, and accidentally scaring the nurse who came to check on her. They lay together in their shared sorrow and love until Mamoru was dragged out, by Minako, for food and a shower.  
  
Usagi lay on the bed, dozing, when Rei came in. "Hey Usa-chan! How are you?"  
  
"I'm all right. I've been better, but I'll recover."  
  
"I hope so. You gave us a huge scare." Usagi squeezed her hand.  
  
"I'm sorry. It wasn't personal."  
  
"I know. But I've never been so scared before, Odango-Atama, and that includes dying myself." The hand in Usagi's was trembling. "I don't know what we'd do without you, Usagi-chan!" Rei leaned over and kissed her cheek. "By the way, I would expect to hear lots of this today from us senshi. We are meant to be your protectors, but even we can't protect you from yourself." Rei left the room, leaving Usagi to face an emotional day full of emotional senshi telling her that they couldn't live without her. The last in was Setsuna.  
  
"I want to apologize for the direction our last conversation took, but getting you angry was really the best I could think of. You didn't respond to anything else, so I got you angry. Which then backfired completly. I'm not much for spur-of-the-moment planning."  
  
Usagi took Setsuna's hand, and struggled to sit up. She gave up on that as her head began to spin. Desire to live or not, she was still really weak.  
  
"It's not your fault Setsuna and in the end, it was you who pulled me back from something I would have done eventually. It was where I was headed I think. And I would have been alone. Where would we have been then?"  
  
Setsuna, full of guilt, took the relief that comes from forgiveness. She and Usagi chatted quietly for a few minutes, until she rose to leave.  
  
"Well, now that things look to be headed back to normal, I suppose I ought to be getting back to my post. After all, I wouldn't want to be late!" It was a feeble attempt at a joke, but Usagi smiled anyway. Setsuna smiled back and walked out, concealing the minor shock she'd just had. For Usagi was smiling exactly like Neo-Queen Serenity. One of the biggest physical differences between Usagi and the Queen were their smiles. Mamoru and the rest of the senshi were merely glad to see Usagi smiling at anything, with her spirits up again.  
  
But there was something in Usagi's smile that had never been in Usagi's smile before and it would never be absent from her smile again.  
  
FIN 


End file.
